I’ve talked to a lot of fellow Mamapreneurs and the same subject keeps coming up. What’s strange is that it’s a topic that’s mostly ignored. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s of a personal nature, or that it’s too complicated, but there’s not much out there about it. What am I talking about? Mamapreneurs frustrated because they aren’t getting the encouragement and support from their husbands to “go for it” in their business ventures. This issue is, thankfully, not one that I have to battle. My husband has always been my biggest cheerleader throughout this whole kids belts business process.
But why are so many husbands opposed to the mother of their children starting her own business? There are too many reasons to count. Maybe, as my Hubby explained to me, it’s more primitive than just a fear that Mama will abandon him and the kids or that there’s some sense of inadequacy. Hubby believes that it may be as simple as this…
Starting a business is an investment of both time and money. Many “home” businesses are started during a time a financial need and while men are more likely to take risks with money, they will weigh that risk with the potential gain. Starting and growing a business is more like gardening than hunting in that it takes patience, passion, and cultivation to see any results. Unless the crop is expected to be big at the end of the season, I would not expect the hunter in the family to spend much time in the garden.
When I asked around, I got a very good response from Dr. Kasmin Boswell-Delgado..
When working with clients I usually probe to understand the dynamics of the relationship. What usually presents is challenges in the couples communication, insensitivity, time management concerns and underlying fear in one or both of the spouses.
To effectively tackle the challenge, its imperative mamapreneurs learn to clearly communicate with their spouse, manage their time, self-talk & subconscious desire to gain spouse approval, as well as surround themselves with a supportive group of individuals (more than ONE) who will provide fair feedback, encouragement and guidance.
Its imperative for the mamapreneur to get a grip on personal thinking & need for approval. By understanding _just because you think something or are told something unsupportive doesnt make it true_, you position yourself light years ahead of your spouse and other counterparts who are developing their businesses.
In addition, this clarity will increase mamapreneurs self-confidence, communication skills and assertiveness with her spouse. It also creates the necessary mental space to make real, sustainable change in their lives, celebrate their victories and encourage them to continue their new, good habits that will contribute to the imminent success of their company.
To deal with their spouse I suggest mamapreneurs share with their husband, what makes them passionate about their endeavor, the target population (which has or will favorably respond to the business,) the changes youll be making and the reasoning behind them.
Often, allowing the spouse to see the excitement, commitment and interest you have, theyre probably more likely to offer more support or at least less resistance. Next, Id work out the details of the ways you need them to be supportive or pitch in i.e. shopping, cleaning, baby-sitting, picking up the kids, ditching the negative comments, sarcasm, judgment.
Since more than likely, your spouse may be wondering (and even skeptical about) how your change will affect them since theyre used to mamapreneurs carrying the load in every respect of the relationship, that usually is the perfect time to explore your iPad Priority Matrix app or TaskTask HD iPad app. These two apps provides a SIMPLE way for my clients to remain on task by looking at what needs to be done today, in what order, the future, a look at whats scheduled, as well as an overview of projects and whats going on with their children, to see the big picture. This tool helps clients easily keep many goals organized in one place and also affords the ability to share this information with their spouse, support system, nanny, et.al.
Get a support system thats truly supportive in ways that are relevant to your situation. For instance, if you need someone who will run errands, watch your kids while you go to business appointments, then make sure that type of person is apart of your network & you reciprocate in a way they will appreciate it even if they act like they want NOTHING in return. Not only will diversifying your support base put less pressure on your relationship with your spouse, the mamapreneur will benefit from the affirmation and perspectives of others who are in the trenches of their own lives making changes themselves.
Finally, I suggest mamapreneurs invest in an app such as iThoughtsHD. Its a mind-map system that puts all the tasks in one place so mamapreneur can always see where all of the tasks listed in Priority Matrix or TaskTask HD apps are headed. It’s a minimal investment ($9.99), yet essential to keep mamapreneurs internally and externally motivated.
More important, by following the advice provided, mamapreneurs have a tangible process with built in support that enables them to purposefully become involved in every aspect of their lives, whether or not their spouse signs on. They are able to set their own goals, which enable them to a) take small actions to begin solving problems as they arise; b) properly evaluate negative perceptions of events and high expectations of others as they arise; & c) consciously choose to let go of unhealthy or unattainable goals and develop multiple sources of self-esteem while building the business of their dreams. Feel free to reach out if you have any additional questions or concerns you wish to address.
I feel like those all really good tips and truthfully, the key to any relationship (marriage, friendship, business, family, etc…) is communication. Both people in the relationship need to express their concerns in a constructive manner. Yes, I said constructive, no yelling or name calling. I’m as much of a fan of calling someone a knucklehead as the next guy, but really, that’s not effective and chances are it’s going to make that person shut down.
Here’s to communication! Good luck mama’s!!